Tibetan Hospitality

For this article I am going to write about Tibetan hospitality. According to Wiktionary hospitality is defined as "the act or service of welcoming, receiving, hosting or entertaining guests". Hospitality is something that Tibetans are very good at. I never cease to be amazed at the courtesies extended to me by nomads, college-aged students or by my Tibetan neighbors living in my complex.

I am from the US (west coast to be precise) where we are not really known for our hospitality. I am familiar with the term "Southern Hospitality" and have experienced it to some degree, but even that is of no comparison to the hospitality found in Tibet (and really in most of Asia). When I was young, I read a few stories about people who would hitchhike across the US in the 1950's and totally rely on the hospitality of strangers to make it from one coast to the other. These people weren't free loaders. They would offer to work for the family in exchange for a ride, a hot meal or a place to stay for a few days. Many young people traveled across the States and Canada in this way. Back then it seemed that taking in people was something normal to do. Offering a ride to a hitchhiker was common. Inviting strangers to dinner wasn't weird. But times change. Most people in the US don't pick up hitchhikers. Most people don't stop to talk to people they don't know. Most people would never think of inviting someone over for tea or dinner that they had just met. Some people may argue that it is too dangerous to do those acts of hospitality and kindness in this day and age. I understand that (but I don't accept that as an excuse). But, in many regions of the world (even in some areas that are thought "dangerous") this type of hospitality is found everyday.

I have been fortunate to travel to most corners of Tibet over the past 5 years. In 2006 alone I traveled nearly 25,000km (15,600 miles) overland through Greater Tibet. The hospitality shown to me was amazing. In December 2006, I did some research for The Discovery Channel among the nomads of northern Kham. For 8 days I spent my time with nomads who lived either in black yak hair tents, or in small mud brick houses. When I entered into their homes, they were always excited to see me. Even if they were busy doing work, they took time to sit down with me to talk. Within a minute or two of me arriving, a cup of milk tea or butter tea was in front of me. Every time I took even the smallest sip of tea, someone (usually the wife or oldest daughter) was there to refill my cup. Bread and candies were placed in front of me as well as some dried yak meat. I came to these nomad tents unannounced. They had no idea I was coming. At one place I visited, one of the older daughters began to cook up some yak meat just for me and my two Tibetan friends who were traveling with me (picture is above). Many of the families I interviewed during this trip offered to let me stay in their tents or houses free of charge.

In 2003 my wife and I visited a good friend of mine who lived in northeast Amdo. We were in the area and decided to take the hour long taxi ride to his village (his village was actually only about 25km / 15 miles away, but it took over an hour due to horrible road conditions). The plan was to visit him and his family for a few hours or so and then head back to the county town. When we arrived, my friends family was so happy to see us. They had no idea we were coming, but were still excited that we came to visit them. We visited them for a few hours and then told them we had to get on our way back into the county town. Our friends had a puzzled look on their faces. They thought we were going to stay with them for 3 or 4 days...not just 3 or 4 hours! Even though we had shown up completely uninvited, they wanted us to stay with them for as long as we could. We kindly explained to them that we only had a short time to be with them and that we had to be on our way. They couldn't understand why we would only come to visit them for a few hours. My wife and I felt bad, but we really had to be on our way.

In the US if people show up at your house uninvited, you will probably be annoyed with them. "Why didn't they give us a call before they showed up??", some may think. Most people in the US definitely wouldn't want people to stay with them 3 or 4 days having arrived uninvited. Tibetan hospitality is so much different than that of Americans. I have read many books about Tibetans who have went on pilgrimage to the capital city of Lhasa. Many of them live in places far from Lhasa and it takes them a year or more to walk there. The pilgrims often rely on other Tibetans for food and shelter while on the long pilgrimage. These pilgrims tell many stories of the Tibetan families that took them in during their journey. These families fed them, gave them a bed to sleep in and often gave them a little money or tsampa (roasted barley flour) to help them with the rest of their trip. This may have existed in America in the 1950's, but it is gone today.

We have many Tibetan friends. Tibetans don't celebrate birthdays. Many Tibetans are not even sure when their birthday is (I once had a friend tell me that he was born either in the spring of 1981 or spring 1982. His father wasn't quite sure.). Since I am an American, birthday parties are a part of my culture. I always have a birthday party and invite between 25 to 35 of my good Tibetan friends to my house for a party. I always tell them NOT to bring me gifts. Since Tibetans don't exchange presents or even celebrate their birthdays, I wouldn't want to ask them to do something that was contrary to their culture. But every year almost all of my Tibetan friends bring me a gift. My office at my home is filled with gifts my Tibetan friends have given me over the years (from yak heads to sheep skins). Their hospitality to me isn't just shown in their homes. They bring it with them to my home as well.

I want to say thank you to the countless Tibetans I have met over the years who have shown me a form of hospitality I have NEVER been shown in my country. Of all the things I have learned from Tibetans, I hope I never forget how to be a hospitable person. Most Americans are too busy to show real hospitality. Maybe it isn't just that they are busy. Perhaps they just don't care. I know I didn't care about it before I came to Tibet. But after living on the Tibetan Plateau for 5 years, I hope I have changed. Thanks for taking a minute to read this.

Comments

[Miguel]

oow, Tibet hotel? this is my first time saw this.

[Lei]

This is so touching! I was in Tibet for a month last year and I was invited to Tibetan's home. I truly understand how you feel about their hospitality and how they are different from many of us who live in cities. I remember in "Eight years in Tibet" book written by Peter Aufschnaiter, he was very well received by Tibetans.

[Jeremy]

Hey - great blog. I'm considering a trip to Tibet this fall, and you are providing great information & insights.

I was in Mongolia last year, and I discovered the same hospitality that you refer to in your post. Showing up uninvited to locals' houses, you are always welcomed in. If there isn't tea already made, the family would make us tea. It was an incredibly warm, uplifting experience, as compared with daily life back home in the US.

Thanks for sharing - these things are invaluable to those of us trying to find information.

[Peter]

Thank YOU for sharing that with a blog visitor from Ireland... good blog read here, good photos too...